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I’ve been a little under the weather the past few days so I haven’t posted much. I’ve also been thinking. So much to think about at Christmastime. I think about the ones I love, the many who have been such a wonderful part of my life, my heart. It is awkward at times trying to put the pieces of my life together. Even with new beginnings, there remain past elements of my life that I cherish. I am happy about my sons and their relationships. And Brandon moved back home which makes me so very happy! But I have three “former” step-children (two daughters and a son) that I miss so very much. I wish my relationship with them through the ten years I was married to their father could have been more; I always cherished every minute. I am a different person for having them in my lives. Now my “daughters by heart” are Moms with a total of 4 children. My complicated life, well, lets say, it complicates things. This is a secret pain that tears away at my heart. Another is the longing in my heart for my “real” Dad, although the meaning of “real” is relative (no pun intended), there is always an emptiness there for the what could have beens. Where does one go to put this. I’m still trying to figure it out. But I think it has something to do with the true meaning of Christmas . . . peace on earth and good will toward men . . .

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